With Apologies To My Grandmother

Sound: "Betrayal Is A Symptom" by Thrice

Dear Grandma,

Do you remember when you took me to see "Taken," starring Liam Neeson? And you told me that you loved me and you wanted me to be careful in London because I was a friendly person and I might make a mistake like the girl in the movie? And I promised you that I would never be that stupid?

I'm sorry, Grandma.

In my defense, it wasn't really my fault. I didn't even go out dancing. I knew that I needed my sleep, as I had a busy day of reading Henry IV, part 2 ahead of me. But my flatmates, well, they didn't have grandmothers who took them to see "Taken." And so, I awoke at 3:30am to discover that there were two strange men in my house, drinking my flatmates' rum and discussing with them why my name was a boy's name.

After explaining to them that Morgan can be a male or female name, I asked them who they were and what they were doing in the flat and if they were planning on kidnapping us and selling us into white slavery. They're names were Ben and David, they were "photographers" (read: paparazzi) for a small internet magazine, and they were invited in by some of the ladies I live with after meeting them on the street. They were not going to kidnap us or sell us into white slavery. They promised. So, I joined my flatmates and we talked with them for a while. They were very nice men. They left around 4:15am, after realizing that it was quite late and we might want to go to sleep. I have their phone numbers and email addresses, so, just in case I disappear, please check the refrigerator in my kitchen for their card.

Love,

Morgan

Peace out, cubscouts.