I'm Really Glad I Didn't Go to Law School

Sound: "Breakfast" by Kreayshawn

Growing up, lots of people told me I should be an attorney.  I can easily understand why; I read a lot, I enjoy research, I'm organized, and I like to argue and manipulate people into agreeing with me.  But I never wanted to be an attorney.  I had first-hand knowledge that a career in law was rarely, if ever, like television made it out to be.  It often wasn't that exciting, and a case NEVER wrapped up neatly in a three-day period (you don't even get to settlement negotiations in that amount of time).  So, despite encouragement from friends, teachers, and adults I had recently pissed off, I made a conscious decision to not apply to law school.

Fast forward to tonight, when I find myself reading a 500-page book detailing the events of the trial of Captain Wirtz, the Confederate officer in charge of Andersonville POW Camp during the Civil War.  I'm trying to understand the brief filed by the JAG officer in response to one of Wirtz's pleas.  It reads as follows:

"As to the plea alleging the unconstitutionality of the present proceeding, on the ground that the prisoner has already been once arraigned and has pleaded, counsel did not deem it necessary to consume time in discussion of that question.  Nor would he prolong the argument on the motion to quash the charges and specifications, as he had had no time to examine them critically.  He would leave the decision of the question to the discretion of the court" (Chipman 42).

Irritated, I call up my resident legal expert - my mom - and read the paragraph to her.  I then ask, "So, is he basically saying 'I didn't get around to doing this, Judge, so I'm gonna pass the buck to you?"  My mom responds in the affirmative.  "Well, why doesn't he just say that?!"  My mom pauses, then asks "How do you think that'd go over?"

And that, ladies and gents, is why I can't be a lawyer: despite my aforementioned qualities, I am far too direct.