British Children Are Delightful (I'm Serious)

Sound: "Pursuit Of Happiness" by KiD CuDi

As many of you may know, I do not like children. Except for my cousins. But seriously, children are just not my thing. To quote a wonderful TV show called "Scrubs," children are "loud and you can't understand them. They're like little taxi drivers." Also, little kids tend to smell kind of funny. But I digress.

The other exception to my general dislike for children appears to be British children. Especially British school children. There are several private schools near my flat (in fact, Prime Minister David Cameron's children attend one of them), so I often see them walking to or from their recess or getting picked up by their parents. And it makes me so happy.

Look at him! He's eating cheesy curls! How cute is that?!

British school children are just so adorable in their little uniforms. They walk around in their blazers and trousers/skirts/pinafores, all wonderfully color coordinated and topped off with a white collared shirt and a tie. And they chatter so adorably to their parents, teacher, or each other. I don't understand what they're saying, but I like to imagine it involves the intricacies of dinner party etiquette.

"You must always work from the outside in. And forks go on the left."

I think the real reason I like British children so much is because they're so well behaved. I very rarely see them crying or throwing a fit (even the babies). They're just always so happy. And this, I think is because British people are not afraid to discipline (and by discipline, I mean corporally punish) their children.

Case in point: the other day I was on the District Line when a little girl started screaming and crying and running around the car. Her mother was reading a newspaper. My experience in America is that the parent would pretty much ignore their kid. Or they would ask their child to "please stop," but the kid would totally ignore their parent continue throwing a tantrum. Instead, what followed was this:

Little Girl: AARGHKSHDFIO I'M ANGRY!!!! ADFAIOUREIAUR!!!!

Mother (calmly looking up from her newspaper): I will beat you.

Little Girl:

So, what have we witnessed? Children respond to things that are scary! "Please" is not scary; getting spanked is totally scary. I would like to take a moment to point out that I have yet to see a British child who is exhibiting signs of abuse (not that I'm an expert). Instead, I have seen very happy, well behaved, and adorable British children who brighten my day before I have to attend the "Survivor" torch ceremony that is Interrelationships.

And now, I leave you with my favorite British school child of all time (even though he's no longer a child):

Oh, my.

Peace out, cubscouts.