The Menorah Saga

Sound: "Come Together" by the Beatles

I did not bring Chanukah supplies to London. The reason is simple: my personal menorah is very nice, and I don't really use it. It sits in my dad and stepmom's china cabinet on display with all the rest of the nice judaica that my family owns. Also, menorahs are heavy. Also, I didn't know when Chanukah was this year (I just don't really think about Chanukah in June).

But then Chanukah arrived and I decided to have a Chanukah party and realized that I was menorah-less, dreidel-less, and gelt-less. This was not good if I was to have a slammin' Chanukah party (especially one that advertised dreidels). So, I went on a mission. I went to find Chanukah supplies.

Here's an interesting thing: London has a teeny, tiny, pretty much nonexistent Jewish population. I know that this is true, because when my friend Will asked his boss (he interns at the Globe Theatre) why they don't send out Chanukah cards to donors, he was told that "there are no Jews in England." However, I had read that Phillipa Gregory novel The Queen's Fool and therefore knew that there had to be Jews in London, and that they were probably descended from Spanish Jews who fled the Inquisition in the 1500s (because Phillipa Gregory has a Ph.D, darn it, and therefore is always right!). So, I put on my thinking cap and thought "If I were a British Jew in London, where would I live?" And I decided I would either live in Hackney, Camden Town, or the East End. This is because Hackney, Camden Town, and the East End are most like Brooklyn, and I'm pretty sure Jews have a genetic disposition to live in places that are like Brooklyn.

So, I searched "Jewish stuff, Hackney" (etc.), and discovered that there was a Jewish Museum in Camden Town! So I went to Camden Town, hoping that the nice people at the Jewish Museum could help me find my Chanukah gear. And maybe I would even look around at their exhibits while I was there.

I arrived bright and early on a Sunday morning, opened my bag to be searched by the big security dude, and asked the NJB (Nice Jewish Boy) at the ticket desk if they had dreidels in their gift shop. They did... sort of. What they had was a game called Texas Dreidel, which is apparently like Texas Hold 'em but with dreidels. It came with 14 dreidels, and that was good enough for me. I bought it and left. I did not look at the exhibits because admission to the museum was £12, and I needed that money for Texas Dreidel. Then I went to Tesco and bought little gelt bags of Christmas coins, because they were two for £1, and the Chanukah coins were £1 each. Also, I wanted the non-Jewish people at my party to feel welcome.

So, I had my dreidels, I had my gelt, I had my latke recipes (thanks, Mom and Yael!). I still did not have a menorah. Technically, I am not supposed to have a menorah because my landlord says it's a fire hazard and an insurance problem. But my landlord is not the best landlord in the world, and I figured if I light the candles outside and put some newspaper down so the wax doesn't drip on the patio, we were good to go. However, without a menorah, this landlord issue wasn't even a problem. I thought of menorah substitutes: flashlights, cell phones, bottles of alcohol, and tea lights. I decided that tea lights were probably the best option, and resolved to go buy some soon.

I entered the ICLC today prepared to leave and buy tea lights after class, when I was informed that Chabad would be doing a menorah lighting at 4:30pm. There would be free donuts. "Cool," I thought, "I like donuts. And I get to light real Chanukah candles." So I went. What wasn't mentioned was that, in addition to free donuts, there were also free gelt, dreidels (I only got one, since Texas Dreidel had me covered), and menorahs!!!

So I got a menorah. With menorah candles. For FREE.

And that, my friends, is the story of Chanukah.

Peace out, cubscouts.