The Shakespeare class has a paper due Thursday. It is on Hamlet. The Shakespeare class does not like Hamlet (or Hamlet). See, Hamlet is a very long play, mainly because Hamlet takes forever to do anything. First, Hamlet is very depressed and wants to kill himself. But he doesn't. He just talks about it for a while. Then, Hamlet finds out that his uncle killed his father (just like in The Lion King!) and decides that he will take revenge on his uncle and will kill him (unlike in The Lion King). But he doesn't. He just talks about it for pretty much the entire play. Then, when he finally gets around to killing his uncle (on the third-to-last page of the text), he doesn't even kill him because of his father's death! Nope, Hamlet kills his uncle because his uncle accidentally poisoned Hamlet's mother.
Obviously, the play would have been much more action-packed and much less frustrating if Hamlet had just killed himself in Act I, scene 2 (which is when he says how much he really, really, really, really, really wants to die).
So now most of the Shakespeare class is stuck writing papers about a play that really is just far too long and talky. Fortunately, my paper is done. It was all about how Hamlet is self-contradictory and therefore inconclusive and pointless. Which is much more appropriate than what I wanted to write (which is the title of this post).
Peace out, cubscouts.
This is perhaps the greatest literary heresy I've ever read. But it's true, and I love you.
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